babyboba

Having a baby in the NICU is a totally different birth experience. From the time of birth, they whisk your baby away to make sure everything is ok, they have to monitor all kinds of things when your baby doesn’t remember to always breathe and when your baby doesn’t know how to suck, swallow and breathe at the same time. It starts from the moment you go from delivery into recovery. Instead of getting your baby in your room where you begin parenting right away, your room is really a quiet haven. There are little to no interruptions, and you can actually get some rest.

Instead of waking to change diapers and feed your little one, you have to wake up to pump and you have to pump because it’s pretty much the only active things you can do for your child. On the plus side, I was able to stock up on pumping materials.

We delivered at UCLA Westwood which is one of the best hospitals on the west coast. That being the case, it’s a tertiary hospital which means they can’t turn anyone away, and it’s also where they bring the babies other hospitals can’t help. So when you have a premie like our little one who is healthy, just early, she’s the one no one is really worried about. That was great for me, since I could go and see our daughter and spend hours there and no one really paid any attention to us. Westwood is also a well oiled machine. They get so many people in and out, that after 2 nights, 1 of which was when I delivered, I got kicked out and sent home. The kiddo spent about a week at UCLA before they approached us about transferring her to UCLA Santa Monica, which is a community hospital, geared for babies like ours, healthy, but need time to grow.

At Santa Monica, we had to adjust to a whole new environment. Parking was more of a hassle, though at least much cheaper. The NICU is much smaller and definitely quieter. The nurses there are focused on helping babies grow, so they have much different perspectives than the nurses we had in Westwood. It was like adjusting to a new set of rules and procedures.

As a parent, it’s hard having nurses take care of your baby most of the day and only dropping in when you can. I can only make it in a couple hours a day, and I usually try to time it around feedings, where at least I’ll be able to change a diaper, take a temperature, attempt to feed, and then hold my kiddo for an hour or 2. Then I pass her back to the nurse who will watch her the rest of the day. I struggle with guilt for not spending enough time with her, but then also trying to balance time with Torito. I admit it’s also been a period that allows me to heal and recover fully without the midnight feedings and diaper changes. So there are some benefits to this scenario. I still need to wake up and pump, but I can schedule those around when I want to do pump and not be at the beck and call of our baby.

I’ve had to come to terms with not being able to breastfeed right away and have that time where I am uniquely tied to my baby. I’ve learned to wait patiently to see if the time I’m in the NICU will be a time when she is alert and ready to feed. And there are times when she is awake and alert, but just not in the mood and is disorganized and I can’t take it personally. I have to wait and let her grow and mature. I have to be happy changing a diaper and taking a temperature and know that is all I can do for her now. I treasure that hour where it’s just the 2 of us and I get to hold her and place her on my chest and know at least for that moment, we are at peace. And every night before we go to sleep, we pray a prayer of thankfulness that she is healthy and one day closer to being able to come home.

These are all of Torito’s favorite words. The first quarter of the year has flown by with lot of exciting things happening. In particular, Torito is becoming a big sister this year! We are excited though a little terrified at the exponential amount of work that is coming up. I had forgotten the time it takes to be pregnant, time to go to the doctor, extra time to leave earlier to get anywhere because I’m moving slower, and how I get more tired, so I need to try to sleep more. It’s been very different since we already have Torito running around, I haven’t been able to stop and milk this pregnancy for free time since we’re already so busy.

Torito is growing up a little every day. Her maternal instinct is coming out, as recently she decided to become mommy to a stuffed cat. We put the cat next to her high chair when it’s time to eat and she’ll offer it some mac n’ cheese. At night, we make sure we put on some pajamas and then have to cover it with a blanket before we cover Torito with her blanket too. Then in the morning, after she drinks some water, she’ll be sure to offer some to the cat. It’s been really cute to see this development in her as starts to learn about pretending and make believe. We are hoping this will translate into being a good helper when the baby comes.

She also has developed a fondness for matchbox cars and will spend hours lining them up, having them hit each other and say boom!, and she’ll roll them down a ramp to see them jump. Daddy says he’s going to get her a track, it may be more for him than for the kiddo.

Last weekend we celebrated Easter by taking Torito to a couple egg hunts. It was fun to see her as she initially was indifferent to her basket, but as she saw all the other kids with their baskets putting eggs in their baskets, she decided she wanted to be involved too. We had fun seeing her as she collected eggs and then as she kept opening the eggs to show us what was inside by running over and abandoning her basket. I love seeing how each of these developments shows us a little bit more about her personality and how each time we take her to a new experience we see how she takes it all in.

Happy New Year! Sure, I’m a couple weeks late, but my goodness it’s been busy. First the holidays. We were up in the Bay Area for 2 weeks visiting family. Torito scored in the Christmas gift department, as friends, family, and friends of the family all bought Tori gifts. Which just goes to show you, buying gifts for kids, way more fun. Her favorite gift? A set of kid size cleaning equipment, like a broom and dustpan. They all had buttons that talked, so we heard phrases like, sweeping sweeping, or no dust no fuss. Haha.. It was pretty cute.

We started the year off pretty sick with some sort of virus that we then in turn passed on to a slew of friends, kids and adults alike. This led to a string of bad habits that we have been trying to break the last week. The worst one being Torito waking up at 2 or 3 in the morning, hungry and wanting to eat a snack. She now puts her hand in her mouth when she wants to eat and she’s pretty insistent. Daddy gave in a few days in a row, and now we are trying to break the habit. We eat in the day, before we go to bed, or right when we wake up. Not in the middle of the night!

We’ve also decided to start potty training. Not too hard core, but after she poops, we go to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet. Torito gets a big kick doing it, she likes to flush, and she’ll wave and say bye! as it goes down. I keep waiting for all the parts to come together, one day!

Torito is now 18 months old.. She is talking a little more, a few more words in both Chinese and English. Most recently, she’s learned how to say no, and she’ll say it shaking her head from side to side, nom nom nom.. She’s become very insistent on what she wants and when she wants it. I think it’s time to introduce discipline. Tear, the baby is growing up.

We just passed the 16 month mark for our little one and as she’s gotten older, she’s also gotten funnier. a few funny things happened the last couple days. Yesterday, on the way home from the supermarket, I put a handful of cereal in a hat so she could snack in the car. When I got home, I looked back and she had finished her snack and then put the hat on her head. It’s funny because when I want her to wear a hat, she refuses, but every once in a while, she’ll point to her head and want to wear a hat.

So adding on to yesterday, we got home from the grocery store and I took some things out and Torito insisted on helping. In fact, she decided she wanted to carry in the 13 lbs turkey. So we were standing next to the car while she stood there trying to drag in a turkey over half her weight. I offered to have us carry it in together, but she refused. Finally I convinced her to bring in the loaf of bread instead and she happily dragged it to our apt door. At least she’s a good helper.

Speaking of helping, we’re trying to get her in the habit of helping out at home, so now she knows how to throw things away. And after I give her a tissue, she’ll bring it to her nose and then throw it away. She’s also pretty good at putting away laundry, we have her help put away socks and she will happily gather them up and bring them to the dresser to dump them in.

She’s starting to have comfort items, though it changes day to day. Today for instance, we were coming home from a music singalong at a coffee house and stopped for a bagel. On the way home, she started to fall asleep mid-chew. When we got home, I put her in the crib and tried to grab the bagel out of her hand. She promptly screamed and screamed until I put it back in her hand and then she fell asleep. Hahaha.. At night, she likes having us next to her while she falls asleep. Sometimes she’ll hug her bear, other times, she’ll want a hand, and some other times, she’ll want to hold onto a red blanket we put next to the bed. Funny baby.

Torito got to go to Disneyland for the first time last weekend thanks to a friend who’s an employee and can bring in guests for free. It was quite the experience, first of all it was SO hot! Like summer 90 degrees hot, in the middle of October! But we had been planning to go to Disneyland for the last couple weeks, so go we went. We started off in Downtown Disney where we stopped to grab some lunch, since Torito had fallen asleep before we left, so we thought it would be better to let her nap. R & L brought their little G with them, so between occupying and feeding Torito and feeding and changing a little baby, it was an hour later before we actually entered the park. Of course, we got into the park at the close of the afternoon parade, so Main Street was packed! But with 2 strollers in hand, we pushed our way through and made it to Fantasyland. It’s been close to 10 years since I’ve been to Disneyland, but the Disney feel is as strong as ever, as you see people with Mickey ears and Goofy hats all around.

We took Tori on her first ride, the carousal where we climbed onto a horse and held on as we went up and down. Of course, she started to get antsy and kept trying to get off the horse while it was moving. Much more entertaining for her was climbing in and out and around the Dumbo they had available for photo taking. She also enjoyed Toontown where they had a kids play area for her to climb about and Minnie’s house where they had lots of inflated phones and buttons for her to press. She was so excited seeing all the kids everywhere that she had a hard time keeping still and we had a hard time getting her in the stroller as it got dark and we looked for a place for a quick dinner before heading home. We didn’t get a chance to see fireworks or Fantasmic, but we did bring home a balloon within a balloon for Torito and a sorcerer’s hat for Daddy. And we had all had a nice sleep that night, so it was worth it.

I’m glad we have these opportunities to experience with her, even though I know she is still too young to remember it right now. She is learning so much every day now. First words are coming as we now know ball, doggie, and belly button. She also knows zai jian, and bi zi. Her walk is now a run as she insists on getting out of the stroller whenever possible and making her own way. She’ll shake her head no, when we ask if she wants this or that, and is becoming more aware of every little thing we do. Like knowing which key it is that opens our apartment, or picking up a tissue to throw in the garbage can. Even after we change a diaper, she knows where it goes and will immediately walk over to the diaper genie after she’s changed. With each gesture, she makes her wants known, and we are beginning to teach the difference between things she wants vs the things she needs. Of course, part of that will be Daddy not giving her cookies for breakfast just because she wants them.

We recently hit a snag in our daily sleep routine as she no longer will sleep on her own and will cry mercilessly if we leave her in the crib and leave the room. We’ve gone as long as 2 hours at night where she’ll cry before we can’t take it anymore. And have had to adjust our sleeping routine so we don’t endure 2 hours of crying every night. It’s funny, just as we think we have a routine, something always happens to change things up.

Torito has been walking for a good month now and while the hand is no longer raised as she waddles around the apartment, a little stumble here and there remind me that she is still my baby. And there’s no greater moment than when you walk in the room and she sees you and gives a squeal of delight as she runs towards you.

After going with her the first couple times, we started dropping Torito off at the preschool at church and she has adapted extremely well. The first week we left her alone, we put her down and putt putt putt.. off she went to check out some toys without even a look backwards at us. The last couple weeks she has become a little more clingy as the number of kids in the classroom just drastically dwindled since the older kids graduated to the 2’s. So the potential distractions from before are no longer there. But even still, she adjusts well after we leave even though there may be a cry or wimper initially. After almost a year of driving across LA for church, we have recently decided and made a conscious decision that it’s time to start going to church closer to home. If we really want to be part of a community without spending tons of time in the car then we need to go to local church and meet local parents. Funny how in LA, when I say local I’m talking about a 5 mile radius, because the 25 miles to Pasadena are considered the boonies.

This past weekend, we had a time of reunion with some old college friends. One had a little son just about to turn 2 next month and Daddy got to see his little girl get bullied for the first time. Having been on a few play dates, I’ve seen little boys push and grab toys from Tori and in general she’s handled it quite well. Just moving on to the next thing. This time though, it was Daddy’s first time seeing a boy come up to her and give a push with his hands, and it broke his heart. The boys parents promptly took him away for a life lesson and he eventually came back and gave Tori a nice hug and apologized. But Tori would have none of that and when he came over, she promptly ran away. Smart girl, keep running from boys sweetie, they will only cause trouble.

Shades of my sister are coming out more and more in Torito. From the heat rash developing behind her neck when she gets hot and irritated to the way she loves flipping through books. It reminds me of when my sister used to go to the library and check out 20 books and then promptly read all of them while we waited for my dad to come find us. Yesterday, Tori came over with her box of baby animal books. She promptly dumped them all out on the ground and very methodically flipped through all of them one at a time. As she finished with one, she put it aside to ensure she didn’t read it again, before moving on to the next one. It’ll be interesting to see how this side of her personality develops.

And now for some updated photos:

I like to yell

The Stinkface

I like to copy mommy

It’s official, she’s no longer a baby, she’s a toddler. Even though it’s a little unsteady and she like to walk with her right hand up in the air, she is now toddling all over the place. When she sees her shoes, or even socks, she’ll bring them to her feet and with a little yelp, ask us to put them on. She can now go from one side of the room to another and then turn before making her way back. She got her first battle wound, a skinned knee, though she didn’t seem to care and picked herself up and kept on going. It’s a bittersweet moment for me, as her mom, as she lets go of my hand and goes forward with her first steps of independence only looking back when things are a little scary and uncertain. But then turning around and plowing forward without fear. She’s growing up a lot.

I see shades of all members of our family in her. She started out with pale white skin like her mom, but after a weekend at the beach, she just soaked in the rays, and now she is dark and tan. She soaks up the sun like her aunties and her daddy. She doesn’t like drinking milk, like her mom, but also like her mom, she loves eating fruit. She’s quite stubborn like her dad and will be insistent when she wants something. The snoring is definitely from daddy and already I empathize with her future husband who will also have to endure snorts through the nose. Her face is full of expressions from the furrowed eye brow, to the scrunchy nose, to the eyes that light up during hide and seek, and the big toothsome grin when she sees you when you walk through the door.

We have started taking her to the preschool during church, and while I have gone with her twice, she has adapted extremely well. It’s an indication to me that she is turning out to be a more social kid. While when she first gets there, she’s a silent observer and will often go to the toys on the sidelines to play with those first, she doesn’t need me to be with her at all times and as I’ve gone off  to play with the other kids, she’s content finding her own way and doesn’t need me as much as I may need her. She is one of the youngest, but her tall stature makes it seem like she’s one of them. This past week 2 of the kids decided they really liked her so they kept trying to hug her. She ended up on the ground trying to crawl away and as she got away from one, the other would hug her. I sat back to watch how she would react and was proud of her as she didn’t cry, but determinedly kept going on elbows trying to get away.

We’ve taken her to the beach now twice and she’s discovered that sand is not good to eat, but digging sand castles are fun. And also when you go to the beach, you get to eat yummy food for long periods of time. She’s getting better in the pool, but I still have dreams of teaching her how to float on her own. And while she hasn’t said any words yet, we know she is close and we are hopeful our efforts in chinese will not be wasted.

We’re going to slowly start potty training and this morning, I sat her on her little frog toilet and loe and behold, she did it! She pee-ed in the potty! Woo woo! Of couse, right after she did it, her hand went down to touch it. Horrors of horrors. Thank goodness it’s sterile. So, we’re on the right track. Now we have to make it a habit.

I have been reading articles the last couple days about potty training. I wonder if Torito is ready for it.

The Mommy Files : Diapers: Are they necessary?

Lune is part of a growing number of parents who potty train their babies from birth and see it as a way to save thousands of dollars, reduce landfill waste (single-use disposable diapers are responsible for one third of the nonbiodegradable waste), avoid diaper rash, and to strengthen the bond with their children. While many parents find it convenient to keep their kids in diapers until age 2, 3, even 4 or 5, mothers like Lune find it easier to never deal with the hassle of changing a diaper–and then finding a place to dump it.

The Mommy Files : Potty training

It turns out that Erica took a potty-training class from a San Francisco preschool teacher named Julie Fellom, who has since become known locally as a potty-training guru. Erica shared with me Fellom’s method and I tried it out on Dante. Presto! He was diaper-free in three days (though still wearing them at night).